Tag Archives: photography

Letters to My Son June: Mommy Guilt

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My Dearest Baby,

I’m sorry.  Mommy failed you on Saturday. It is my duty to protect you, to keep you safe.  I failed. You were having such a wonderful day!  We started of course with the strawberry patch that morning.  And you were excited that evening because we were on our way to a party that where you would see your friends, Micah and Miles.  And you were having a ball! Until I didn’t think and gave you a few party meatballs.  Forgetting, while talking and catching up with old friends, that some meatballs use wheat as a filler. And you my precious, are allergic to wheat.  It wasn’t until you started coughing and told me that you didn’t feel so well that I knew.  Luckily, we were surrounded by a house full of mothers who are also nurses who all quickly went into crisis mode to correct my mistake.  I’m sorry I had to give you the dreaded epi pen. And I’m sorry that you had to ride in the ambulance to the hospital.

When finally, the night was over and we arrived home exhausted, I held you while you went to sleep. Just that once, because you are a big boy and don’t need me to anymore.  But that night, I needed it.  As you were drifting off to sleep, I said, Mommy is so sorry I gave you the meatballs and that you got sick.  You lay your hand on my cheek and said: that’s OK Mommy, I’m alright.

And I cried. I cried because of the stress of the day, I cried because you were alright, and I cried because you still loved me the same, in spite of my wrongs.

Thank you.

Mommy.

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This post was a part of a Blog circle that I participate in from Clickin Moms. Please follow our circle and check out the next letter from Erin of  Kingsburg, CA Photographer | Erin Pasillas Photography. 

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Clickin Moms Blog Challenge May: Beautiful Ugly

Once again, I am honored to be a part of a blog circle from Clickin Moms.  I missed last month’s circle, but I decided to get my butt into gear and find something for this month’s theme:Beautiful Ugly.

I visited my mom, and her rose bush was dying……..

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But it was still beautiful, in it’s own ugly way!

Next up in our circle is Becky from Becky Anderson Photography. Check out her take on Beautiful Ugly!

 

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Letters to Our Sons: May

Hey! Once again, I’m teaming up with a few ladies over at Clickin Moms for our Letter’s To Our Son’s Project! Make sure you follow the link at the end to follow the circle all the way around!

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Pookah:

What can I say?

I feel like this year has been…….

Not an easy one. LOL. I guess that’ s an understatement. But as usual, you amaze me with your resilience and your ability to maintain your joy and laughter.

I noticed today that you were clingy, and that you wanted to be up under me all the time. Normal, I think considering. But still….I worry.

I worry about what each month’s sickness, illness, incident has done to change who you are. How will it all affect you in the end?

I wonder what is God’s plan for you? Is he building you up for something great? Is he letting you suffer now to prepare you for something in the future?

These are questions I think about as I watch you go through your struggles.

And then, I catch you….smiling….talking…laughing..singing…..

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Just being you…..

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And I think to myself…it will all work out fine.

I love you my boy.

Mommy.

 

Don’t forget to follow our circle! Up next is Isabel Shaw

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Motherhood

I’ve been practicing selfies for forever now.  And they never come out right. Something is always off. The focus, the light, the composition. I’m never satisfied.

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Sometimes, I feel like motherhood is the same way.  I’ve been “practicing” for three years. But I always feel like I can never quite get it right. I can never quite do it like my mother did it. I’m not consistent enough. I’m not tough enough, I don’t play enough, I don’t discipline the “right” way, etc etc etc..

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I had big plans for motherhood. A big lists of things I would and would not do. But motherhood is a journey, a learning experience. I wouldn’t say it’s an experiment, but close to it. I can only try to do my best and pray that it all turns out right.  I think for the most part, I am doing OK. Because I am the mother to this brilliant 3 year old who is full of joy and laughter and light despite all the things that go wrong in his life.

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Yesterday I got my first ever Mother’s Day card from my Pookah. It was handmade. And it was imperfectly perfect.  I loved it. And I realized that Pookah loves me the same way.  He doesn’t care that I’m an imperfect mother with all my perceived flaws. When that sweet voice tells me that he loves me and gives me sweet kisses, I know that all he sees is someone who loves him. Consistently.  All the time.

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And that lets me know I’m doing something right.

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