My Life

Stuck

Posted on April 10, 2012 by rosesdaughter

So.

I get to work last night and the first thing I do is check my email.

you see, it’s time to sign up for the June schedule.( Yes, we do things months in advance around here).

On Friday,I sent my manager an email asking if I could go ahead and sign up for the June schedule on days.

Fingers crossed, I clicked on her reply:

“Due to nightshift instability( which she created by letting 2 people go part time or prn,)I am unable to let you go to days at this time. Maybe in August when a few people have come back from medical leave. I have also been unable to find quality staffing to replace you. Thank you for your patience.”

I swear I felt like my head was going to explode. I felt lightheaded and I just knew my blood pressure was sky high at that very moment.

Everyone says I need to invent a good lie to get me to dayshift. Something about Pookah and having no childcare of something. I’m like what, The fact that I need to save my sanity and my marriage isn’t good enough?

I’m so frustrated. I’ve spent the whole shift trying desperately not to scream. or cry. Or both.

The question is:what do I do about it?

There are lots of jobs for nurses out there. But 90% of them are for nightshift. The rest are for evening positions 3-11 or 12 to 8. I saw ONE job for days at an old job. I used to say never but now….

I’m almost desperate. But I don’t want to make rash decisions even in my desperation.

But I’m soooo tired. Just so tired.

Posted in Uncategorized | 15 Comments

I Did Nothing this Weekend…And You?????

Posted on April 9, 2012 by rosesdaughter

Happy Easter Monday!

How was your Easter?

We had an OK Easter over here. I didn’t go to church ( head hung in shame). But my dinner was finished by 11 am.

I had coffee. GLORIOUS Starbucks coffee using my new Keurig.

Pookah was in a bad mood all day He either screamed no or started crying at the drop of a hat. SMH. Don’t know what was up with that.

( sorry about the quality of the photo. Straight from my phone…..)

I was supposed to go easter egg hunting over at Mogul Making Mom’s house around 1 pm. But I worked Friday night and when I woke up Saturday afternoon…… well, Pookah and C Dub were gone and it was after 3….

Sad, because the wanna be easter egg hunt that I organized in my back yard was….sad. LOL. But since Pookah didn’t know any better, he enjoyed himself. And please PLEASE excuse the uncoordinated outfit my child has on. These are really snapshots. And his Daddy dressed him….

Other than that, we sat around, ate, played with Pookah. Did nothing really.

How about you?

Posted in Monday Morning Thoughts | 9 Comments

Project 52: Week 14

Posted on April 6, 2012 by rosesdaughter

My baby is feeling so much better!

I’ve decided that sometimes I will participate in the themed Project 52 with My 3 Boybarians and some weeks, just go off on my own when I haven’t been able to keep up. Because I take photos all week. I just forget to look for the theme sometimes.

This week’s photo was taken yesterday at the Centinneal Park here in Atlanta. His school is closed for Spring Break( I know, but I love them so I’ll accept these two days). So Pookah and I started the day at the Children’s Museum and ended in the park. The difference from how he looked and felt Monday to now is AMAZING! And this photo is proof!

Posted in Project 52 | 7 Comments

As Seen In My Life: A Good Daddy

Posted on April 4, 2012 by rosesdaughter

There is nothing better, to me at least, than to see a man with his child.

I have plenty of opportunities to observe that around here.

Pookah and C Dub ADORE each other.

It’s all about Daddy over here.

And I don’t mind not one bit.

C-Dub won’t let me take photos of him too often. ( for someone so photogenic, he is sooo camera shy)

But I manage to catch him in the act of being a good father often. When he least expects it. Like here…

And here…

I took these at the park. Pookah is on the big boy swing for the first time ever. Look at the expression on his face. The joy that his boy is doing it.

And Pookahs confidence that his Daddy is right behind him..

Ahhhhh. I love my boys. And I love them even more when they are together..

Posted in As Seen in My Life | 20 Comments

Random Thoughts on a Tuesday

Posted on April 3, 2012 by rosesdaughter

Hey Folks.

I’ve got a lot of my mind, so…..

Justice for Trayvon is still elusive. I’m so disappointed in our justice system and in the opinions of some people that I see online and in real life. Of some people that I work with. SMH.

Pookah has pink eye. #blankstare On top of the allergies that have him itching and sneezing and hiving….When I picked him up from daycare and saw that right eye running, I just knew. So I made a mad dash to the urgent care( dr too far away) and got diagnosed. On the bright side, we got steroids for the allergies too to help him out. Its just that bad. Hopefully this helps.

I need to get to dayshift….badly….like now…I don’t know what I’ll do if she tells me I can’t go in June…Probably blow the joint up or something. Just kidding…kinda…

We took Pookah to the park on Sunday, and I realized something: there are a LOT of unfriendly kids out there. Pookah is naturally friendly. He sees little kids playing and he wants to play too. He says hi. I’ve taught him to be polite. But there were several children giving Pookah the cold shoulder or the evil eye. And I didn’t like it. These were 3 and 4 year olds. Where are they learning it? From their parents that’s who. And I have to put this out there, but the white kids and their parents were FAR more friendlier than the black ones. Now that’s really sad. It was almost like Pookah was a threat. WTH? If I say hi, say hi. Why is there an attitude at the park on a beautiful sunny afternoon when all my child wants to do is play with yours?

I made good grits for the first time ever on Monday. I’ve known the concept of cooking them forever. I watched my mother do it every Sunday. But I could never get them JUST right with that right amount of creaminess. Well, thanks to finally closely observing my mother when she was here and from a co worker whose grits are the BOMB.com, I finally made the perfect pan of grits….and promptly ate the whole pan.

Even though I have baby fever hard, I’ve officially decided to put it off. I can’t take another child, and my marriage is not ready for another child right now. I had to be truthful with myself. It’s hard. But when I go get my pap smear, that IUD is going in.

I did try talking to my husband about why I’m so tired lately (i.e. why he isn’t getting any as much as he would like). That didn’t go so well. Which is another reason the IUD is going in.

My birthday is in 11 days…….. #itsacelebration

I’m still campaigning for the iPad 3……

I know you all have been wondering when I’m going to go another Random Tuesdays Work Edition. I have a post in mind, but it won’t be funny.

I need to get on dayshift. But I said that already didn’t I?

And finally, a random photo of Pookah, because what post would complete without one?

Posted in Random thoughts | 14 Comments

Weekend Wrapup

Posted on April 2, 2012 by rosesdaughter

I did nothing this weekend.

Let me repeat.

Nothing.

My child woke up looking like this:

So, no outside for us.

I used Pookah’s allergies as an excuse on Saturday. I stayed in my pajamas, read a book all day and ate Pizza. Pookah played around the house or watched episode after episode of Backyardigins.

And Star Wars.

It didn’t kill him, and by the end of the day, he looked more like himself..

Sunday, Pookah and I went grocery shopping and then he and his Dad cleaned off the patio. The boy got soaking wet in the process and LOVED it. Kept saying he did “work” with Daddy.

SMH.

Where was I? Inside, laying on the couch, not caring that my child was getting soaked.

It dawned on me sometime during Pookahs nap that I was supposed to go to work and I heard a resounding “HELL NO” in the back of my head.

Therefore, I did something I rarely do: I called in” it’s too nice to come in and deal with ya’lls bullshit.”

And felt much better.

When Pookah woke up, C-Dub told him we were going to the park to ride his big wheel.

Pookah hasn’t quite figured out that the park means outside too.

So he threw ten falling out fits while getting in the car.

But of course, he bounced back while riding.

“Fire engine Mommy!”

It was a perfect Sunday afternoon……

We all came home exhausted, ate, and went to bed.

That was my weekend, how was yours?

Posted in Uncategorized, Weekend wrapup | 6 Comments

Beyond Exhausted

Posted on March 30, 2012 by rosesdaughter

3am…..

It’s 3:04 am on Friday and I am at work writing this post.

Did you know that I work nights?

12 hours at a time?

Yes, I “only” work 3 nights a week, but honey let me tell you, those are the toughest three nights of my life.

You see, when you work nights, you spend the day before dreading/anticipating. And the day after in a coma.

Missing life.

I used to be able to wake up at 1 pm the night after I worked( if I didn’t have to work again that night) and do things.

Have a life.

Now, I’m lucky if I manage to shower, pick up Pookah, and get something on the table for dinner before I pass out again as soon as Pookah goes to sleep.

Needless to say, life has suffered.

I am BEYOND exhausted.

I have no energy.

I have no interest in anything but when can I sleep. Or lay down, or nap or just….

My Life is suffering. My blog, my photography, my relationship with my husband, my health, my fitness, my home.

My temper is shorter. I find myself snapping at Pookah when I used to have patience.

C-Dub and I don’t really talk. It’s like we are two ships passing in the night and when we are together, all I want to do is sleep. I cried the other night when he was trying sooo hard to create a little romance and in my head all I wanted him to do was leave me alone so I could sleep.

I’m not eating well. I swear, Wednesday after I worked, I ate a container of yogurt…..and that was it. I was hungry around 9 after I put Pookah to bed, but by the time I realized it, I was in bed and couldn’t muster the energy to get out of bed, go downstairs and make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I think I might be slightly depressed.

I need to get off of night shift.

I talked to my manager a couple of weeks ago, and she said most “likely” I will be able to go to day shift in June.

June.

That’s 3 months away.

OK 2.

That’s 63 days from now.

I don’t know if I can survive 63 more days.

Because I am beyond exhausted.

Posted in My Life | 15 Comments

Reading is Fundamental

Posted on March 27, 2012 by rosesdaughter

Children are amazing.

Pookah picked out this book about a month ago when we went to Marshall’s. (Excellent selection of cheap children’s books by the way).

He loves this book, and C-Dub or I read it to him EVERY day at least twice a day.

It was nap time when I snapped this photo. I told him to go get a book (knowing which one he would choose) and as I was snapping this picture, I was amazed at what was coming out of his mouth.

He knew the words.

He’s not reading (if he was, we would be somewhere dancing and plotting his full scholarship ride to Harvard. Wait..I’m plotting his full scholarship way to Harvard anyway).

But he knows what happens on every page. Enough to tell ME the story!

It was so sweet, so cute, and of course, I swear my child is soooo smart.

But it reinforced to me the thought that reading those bedtimes have a big impact on children. My cousin who has a child around Pookah’s age has always laughed at me for reading to him since he was a baby. Why? She would ask? He doesn’t get it. Why bother?

At which time I went off on her because this is one of the reasons why her child doesn’t speak as well as Pookah and why a lot of children out there( including her older kids) can’t read at grade level, and spend more time on their butts watching stupid ass Sponge Bob and playing video games because you can’t take the time away from your Facebook page or your baby daddy #3 to spend 10 minutes READING to your child!

But I digress…..

Back to Pookah. He does get it. He understands. I see it every time I read to him and he knows what’s coming next. When its the first time reading a book and he constantly asks “what’s that?, what’s that?” And I’m patient with him, even though I want to rush through so he will go to sleep. Because it’s important. Because he’s getting it.

And so I will keep reading to him. Because that’s what we do around here.

Posted in Pookah adventures | 18 Comments

Weekend Wrap Up

Posted on March 26, 2012 by rosesdaughter

It’s Monday, and life is good.

Poor Pookah suffered horribly all last week with allergies. The pollen count was CRAZY! My poor child couldn’t go outside for 5 minutes without an attack of hives, stuffy nose, and itchy eyes. When he woke up Thursday morning with more hives, wheezing and swollen purple bags under his eyes, I kept him home from school.

He was better on Friday, but still red and itchy. I decontaminated the house: changed the filters, vacuumed, washed all toys that had been outside down, washed all sheets and clothes. And changed his allergy meds.

It worked.

That and the pollen count went down.

I went to work Saturday night, but got to go home early. Thank God. My patient was not a nice person.

We spent yesterday outside pretty much( it was a BEAUTIFUL day). And he didn’t suffer that much. He even got to fly a kite for the first time.

Oh yeah, and C-Dub got a new car.

I’m jealous.

It took forever and by the end of the evening, Pookah had lost his shit and there were temper tantrums EVERYWHERE.

Sigh.

Pookah doesn’t throw them often, but when he does…….

Anyway, it was a good weekend.

Life is good.

Posted in Weekend wrapup | 14 Comments

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: What I don’t talk about on my blog.

Posted on March 25, 2012 by rosesdaughter

I’m doing Fadra’s Stream of Conciousness Sunday this week. Her writing prompt was : what are some things you wish you could blog about, but can’t?

Up until this week, I categorically didn’t talk about race.

Race is such a touchy sticky subject. It’s hard for some people to understand how it is to live always being reminded of the color of your skin. Because no matter what I do, I am black first, woman second. It’s hard to explain exactly how that feels to someone who is not a person of color. It’s sticky, and I just don’t like having to educate and explain how and why I feel about certain issues. How I’ve always had to be better than the best because I’m black. How I was teased when I was younger because I talked “white”. How education was my way out of ending up a statistic.

That reluctance to write about race is what kept me from speaking about the Trayvon Martin case for so long. I didn’t want to hear, “well, he’s black, he must have done something.” I didn’t want to face the stereotypes. But I am raising a black boy in my household and I decided to stop hiding from race on my blog. I proud to be black woman. I come from people that have overcome slavery poverty, racism, and hatred. My opinions and experiences are colored by race. I can’t help that. But I’m tired of not blogging about certain things and issues because it might be controversial. Like I said on twitter last week, if you dont like it, unfollow. I won’t be in your face militant with it, but I won’t hide from it either. Because some things are too important NOT to blog about.

******

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
Link up at allthingsfadra.com
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