I was reading through my incredibly backlogged Bloglovin list of blog posts and came across a post from Creative Mama that led off with this great quote from Mark Twain:
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you that you didn’t do than by the ones
you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from
the safe harbor. Catch the tradewinds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.”
Wow. For some reason, that quote stuck with me all night at work, and all through the next day.
The post started off with a mom being asked, “what do you dream about?” ” Her answer was that she hadn’t thought about herself in 8 years. Basically, when her first child was born.
That made me pause. Why? Because that could be me.
Since Pookah has been born, I always think about him first, C-Dub second and me….way third down on the list.
I was becoming a bitter, boring, tired bitch.
Finally. For me, I decided to do a few things:
- Go to dayshift. Yes, money will be less, it’s more inconvient for C-Dub to have to take Pookah to daycare on somedays AND pick him up. There will be no dinner on those days cooked by me. Pookah won’t see me but for about an hour on those days before he goes to bed. But! On the days when I am off, I will truly be off. No “I need to sleep” then get up and rush to do things before my body gives out again. C-Dub won’t be parenting alone on three nights a week. I will be able to be fully present in my family’s life for the first time in 2 years. I might be able to stay awake without a continuous caffeine infusion. I will be able to actually LIVE instead of just surviving DAY to DAY.
- Go to BlogHer in New York City BY MYSELF. Yes, I am taking a big trip to New York without my child and without my husband. I haven’t done that in……ever. Since everyone was used to me always putting myself last, this was a big thing. A REALLY big thing. But I’ve arranged and I’ve manipulated and I will do this. It’s not even really about the conference( even though I WILL enjoy it and learn a lot I’m sure.) It’s more about me doing something for me. It’s about me recharging. It’s about me having more than one drink and being OK with it. It’s about me hanging out with friends and not feeling guilty. It’s about ME.
- Take myself seriously as a photographer. Now that doesn’t mean that I’ll be going into business. It just means that I want to take more classes, take more photos of folks other than Pookah and C-Dub, learn new techniques. REALLY get into it. So if you start see me talking more about it on my blog, that’s why. I love photography. I don’t know why I’ve been afraid to say that outloud or why I’ve been afraid to admit that I spend a tremendous amount of time researching, reading, and spending money on my “hobby”. SMH. It’s like writing. I’ve got to do it.
- Start running again. I’ve always wanted to run. I’ve had dreams of completing 5ks, half marathons, Boston Marathons etc. I want to do it. But I’ve always got the “I don’t have the time or energy” excuse. Well, I’m getting ready to get rid of both excuses. So…no more excuses hmmm????
See some of you in New York!!!!