Well, 10 weeks 4 days. Last time, at 10 weeks 6 days, I started spotting. I am praying and hoping and wishing this doesn’t happen again. I can’t really take it. But I am driving myself a little crazy. I mean, even if i make it past then, who is to say that …..
I keep trying to stop my thoughts from going in that direction, but it’s hard. I’ve been letting more people in on our little secret, and it almost scares me every time I do. In the back of my mind, a little voice says:
“that’s one more person you will have to tell……”
I am trying to think only of the positive here. I know that thoughts are things. But I thought soooo positive last time, and look what happened. I am trying to take peace in the fact that I have seen the heartbeat “officially” twice now, and that everything is fine. The baby is growing fine. Last time, the baby always measured small for dates. I take comfort in the constant morning sickness, the fatigue, my breasts, the strange strange dreams, my appetite.
I am seriously thinking about renting a dopplar. Just for my piece of mind.
I just want piece of mind.
Really, I just want it to be November and I want to be holding my baby in my arms.